When exactly did they become my main fandom?

[oudeteron]

I hope this is just temporary, but it seems like the Albus/Gellert fanlisting is down. Does anyone else have this problem? It can't disappear just like this... *sigh*

So, I have a bunch of fics to finish and some originals to ponder and maybe even actually write. What do I do? Write another ficlet, of course! This time it may be a product of my strange state of mind (I think I would get alarmed if I happened to be in any normal state of mind for once), although, as always, I'll leave the judgment up to you.

I suspect that sometimes when I hit a slump with all my stuff, I just string together something short in a day or two to prove to myself that I can still do it. Not sure what I am proving this time. That I can start and finish something just because I want to, probably. Futile, I know.


Title: Unlike Him
Pairing: Albus/Gellert
Rating: SFW
Word Count: ~290 including the quote
Summary: Some feelings will never quite fit.
Notes: Musings on liking and loving in Albus and Gellert's context. I wondered about including the quote for a bit, but then again, it was that scene that ultimately convinced me to go for this pairing when I first read DH. And I will admit now that I have no idea if the pages are numbered the same way in the UK and US editions. If anyone had the US version and would be so kind to check for me, I'd be most grateful.
Disclaimer: The characters, the quote, and the whole damn universe belong to JKR. I'm just playing for free.

Unlike Him

“Grindelwald. You cannot imagine how his ideas caught me, Harry, inflamed me. Muggles forced into subservience. We wizards triumphant. Grindelwald and I, the glorious young leaders of the revolution.”
                                       ~Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, p. 573



Albus Dumbledore never claimed that he liked Gellert Grindelwald.

It would be an unfortunate word to use, this like. Too weak, certainly. He liked pleasant things and pleasant people, the way he liked his studies or Elphias Doge. Yet at the same time, being able to say that he liked Gellert would at least have a sense of permanence, the subtle underlying cause of a great explosion. Perhaps the feeling would always have remained, perhaps it would have been harmless.

But Albus loved Gellert, and therein lay the difference. Albus loved him, obsessed over him, and missed him. Contemplated him, wanted him, thought he surely would die without him, dreamed of him.

Same for Gellert’s reckless mind. At first, Albus was intrigued by it—and before long that very mind was challenging him continuously, going everywhere his own had feared to penetrate, certainly going everywhere at once. Albus followed—he raced it sometimes, while other times let his own thoughts mingle; this, finally, was unity. Perfection. Power. Gellert’s ideas flowed far more easily than his and led him down the most rewarding path of all.

Yes, Albus thirsted for Gellert’s mind. He did not “like” it.

And then one morning that glass tower collapsed, every bitter shard digging into his skin. Albus still loved Gellert then, no matter how hard he willed that emotion to shift towards hatred. He had become too absorbed, and it would track him to the edge of life.

Albus did not like Gellert Grindelwald. That was his tragedy.

Comments

[miss-morland.livejournal.com]

He had become too absorbed, and it would track him to the edge of life.

Poor Albus... This was lovely; you captured their relationship so well.

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Poor Albus, indeed. I'm really glad you found the fic fitting! (I'm so paranoid sometimes...)

[13-lucky-charms.livejournal.com]

D'awww you're so good at writing this pairing. ;_; As soon as I get the courage up to write my own fic I'm dedicating it to you <3

And yeah wtf it is down, along with the Gellert Grindelwald fanlisting [which is very le sad because I love the site's layout and everything it had ;.; ]

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Really? Damn, I hope it doesn't come off as stalkerish now, but I can only encourage you to write your own fic. Thanks so much! ^_^

That's such injustice. (Apparently I'm a n00b because I hadn't even seen the Gellert-only fanlist! And now it's gone! NOOO.)

[13-lucky-charms.livejournal.com]

Awww you should've seen it. I think the same person ran both of them. :/
The Gellert fanlisting was awesome, it included so much info on him and even had sections of DH typed out with him in it.Aw man was that helpful xD But now I guess I have to go back to just searching through my own copy of DH... *le sigh*

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Damn it, that would explain why they're both down. There aren't that many sites on Gellert to begin with, so why do we have to lose such a good one? This sucks so much, argh.

[13-lucky-charms.livejournal.com]

I know ;o; I really hope it comes back or something :/

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Me too. Gellert, don't leave us! *cries*

[stella8h8chang.livejournal.com]

I don't like your fic, I love it. Firstly, we're going through a fic drought at Grindeldore, and secondly, you're just a master of this pairing. You always manage to capture each character, and the connections between them, perfectly.

WHAT? The fanlisting is down? No! No no no no!

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

You've just used my own fic against me in the best possible way! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. (Will post it over at grindeldore too - I'm so used to testing the waters with my f-list when it comes to fic. xD) Anyway, thank you. *glows*

It is, I checked again just now! I'm still hoping it's only some problem with the server that will get resolved, but... gah.

[mustntgetmy.livejournal.com]

Mm, absolutely fantastic. As usual you capture the feel of their entire relationship in a few paragraphs.

Sorry I'm not particularly eloquent today.

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad you think so! (I always have such doubts about fics just before posting. Maybe now I'll start to appreciate it.)

No problem! I know the feeling. ^_~

[mustntgetmy.livejournal.com]

(No more doubts! You always do so well with Albus/Gellert. I can't think of a single fic you've done where you haven't managed to encapsulate their relationship.)

I seriously got off the computer after writing that comment to you cause I needed a nap, so it was a pretty legitimate incoherence.

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

(Aww, thanks. You know that's the most encouraging thing you could tell me about this!)

I figured. Hope the fic made your day a bit better. ^_^

[mustntgetmy.livejournal.com]

It certainly did! It was a bright spot in my pain :D

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

That's awesome, then!

[ghostangel.livejournal.com]

I really love these short glimpses <3

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Thanks! They're fun to write. ♥

[rising-lark.livejournal.com]

Aww, this is so good! Great insight into Albus's character and his feelings. I especially loved the third paragraph. ^_^
That scene got me to, the very first reading. It made Dumbledore human for me. (It's page 716 in the US edition, by the way. Like the total geek I am, I had to buy both variants.)
And, are you kidding me? Being able to start and finish something just because you want to - it's so important! I always want to do so many things, even go so far as to plan them, but almost never get round to doing them.

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It's great to hear I've put some insight into such a short fic. Glad you noticed that paragraph. ^_^

Exactly. I had liked Albus before DH, but it was only in this book that he became an intriguing character. And that scene really hit home. (But that's brilliant you got both! Thanks for telling me.)

Yeah, that's what drives me so insane sometimes! Eventually I cave in and just write a very short story to get rid of that feeling. It's good to know you can pull it off, right?

[wufff.livejournal.com]

I wanted to quote just the same part but you beat me to it. Loved the idea that Albus had secretly had such ideas before but was too afraid to think about them.

And this is a lucky day. Not only a new fic from euphony_of_love BUT also new drawings from inside_the_veil. I'm off to look at the drawings now :-)

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Awesome that you noticed that part too. I personally don't think Albus is as innocent as he sometimes looks next to Gellert. Gellert just tipped him over the edge...

Yeah, I adore those drawings. This fic has served the greater good. ^_^

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Mission accomplished. *chuckles*

I'm so glad you appreciate that. I wanted to show the difference between Albus and Gellert's way of thinking - Albus seems to me more reserved, more reluctant to follow his thoughts all the way through because it would mean upsetting his conscience or something to that effect. Whereas Gellert couldn't care less what his ideas make him.

...and did you? XD *has to check*

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Wow, those really are some fun theories! But I'm tempted to follow your logic. I think liking in itself is just too general - people usually like a lot of things at once, but could still live without them because liking something is just a weaker feeling than loving (or hating) it. The same reasoning could be applied to people, pretty much. And as far as I've been able to tell, at the time Albus met Gellert he must have been fed up with weak feelings (taking care of his siblings without dedication just because he had to, being bored to death in what was essentially a random village, etc.), so he jumped at the opportunity for something that was more. Of course Gellert, being the addictive bastard he was, turned out to be too much for him in the end.

Messed up sense of romance? I'll tell you now that this is the main appeal this pairing has for me. It is probably total midnfuckery, but come on! If you have an attraction of minds the rest will usually follow. So yeah, I couldn't agree more with you here.

Better late than never! *pets the drawings*

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. But I think Gellert realized it much later so that he couldn't use it the way Albus did (to defeat him). *would love to read that theory in case you ever write it down*

A lot of people prefer to never be challenged, right? I can't say I get it. It would be so boring...

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Aww, they would totally have been invincible together. Why AUs of this kind are so rare I'll never know. Maybe the difference between them would have caused them to split up anyway... but maybe not. We'll never know now. *hey, that would make a train ride pass quickly!*

Word. There's no need for a lecture at all if people just sit there cosily in their comfort zones. It has to be challenging.

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Hehe, sure, just blame it on the socket. XD Being drunk is fun!

I hope I don't wind up with a class like that, though I guess it depends on the professor. But you're right, linguistics wouldn't work so well if you just memorized stuff and nothing else. And hey, I want to read that too - we had some Chomsky randomness in the entrance exam (in one of those "understanding the text" things) and it stuck with me enough to remember, so. XD

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Good, good. ^_^ (Aside from my guess that it's something Finnish, what kind of alcohol is that? I need to be educated!)

Well, that's true. *remembers all the unnecessary memorizing of dates*
I think the only way to find out is to try. (Just what I'd like to do if I could find a copy anywhere! If the department at uni doesn't have it, I'll be shocked.) Even if you don't get all of it, at least you'll be able to say you gave it a shot.

[remeciel.livejournal.com]

You do have a way to end your fic or drabble very effectively - it gives the reader a feeling that this final assertion is a universal truth. Brilliant.

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Aw, now that makes me really happy. It's just the effect I was going for! Thanks so much.

[scarlet-chan.livejournal.com]

That was gorgeous. I epsecially like that last line. I've never had a single complaint about your writing. You did amazing, as you always do with your fics. :)

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! It makes me really happy to hear that.

[scarlet-chan.livejournal.com]

Hey, I like to gush about things I find good. ^_^ *Hug*

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

You know I'd never complain about that, of all things! ^_^

[scarlet-chan.livejournal.com]

Why would anyone complain about having a devoted fan? -_^

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

I've no idea. ♥

[wieldy22.livejournal.com]

*last line love*

*drabble love*

... and I'm too tired (from sitting in a train all day) to post an appropriate comment.

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

And hey, this comment is short and sweet. ♥

Late comment is omfg LATE! Sorries!

[seilf-emit.livejournal.com]

Gah, it's been WAY too long - sickness and crap like that intervening. Have an epileptic carnation as an apology.

Now onto the good stuff (i.e. rambling fangirling over your ficlet): First of all I really like how I almost feel I personally know those two WITHOUT HAVING READ A SINGLE WORD OF THE ACTUAL BOOK! XD Anyway, this is such a lovely little thing to read, and don't worry about the longer stories - in the end you can just paste all those drabbles and ficlets together and call it an episodic novel! :D

Yes, Albus thirsted for Gellert’s mind. He did not “like” it.
I know it's very silly, but this line reminds me so much of that whole "Your mind excites me" thing in Sleuth. Weird Bosie crossovers in my mind FTW Y/N?

Also, I think it's entirely unfair how good you are at summing up their relationship so accurately in just a few sentences. *pouts*

Better OMFG LATE than never!

[oudeteron.livejournal.com]

Since I know these are not just excuses, no need to worry about apologizing. Though I do like the carnation... (But please, no more epileptic fits for us!)

I'm glad the fic part is the "good stuff" here! Well, you know how I keep telling you to jump straight to DH you've been following my writing about them for a while, so unless I'm making horrendous characterization errors, it should give you an idea of what they're like. Anyway, it makes me really happy to know you enjoyed this! And next time I post a ficlet, I'm TOTALLY calling it "an instalment of my episodic novel" to make it sound all sophisticated. XD

Ooh, it does fit the Sleuth stuff! Obsession, much? Not that Albus is the Bosie type here, but still.

I practically live with them, that's why! *pets*