What IS this day?

[oudeteron]

Earlier today, I got so infuriated and desperate that I felt like screaming. Instead of which I wrote (of course). Okay, it was more like polishing the one-shot I'd all but completed some time ago and didn't get around to editing for real. I spent more or less all day doing this. One short story did definitely not eat my day, but being idle and wandering randomly about, not even taking in much of anything, with the fic window minimized in my browser did. Also, I should study, but apparently I can't be bothered, so I'm just sitting here with an almost-headache, feeling spectacularly good for nothing. And I haven't even ordered the books yet since I am far too aware of my being able to only afford two or three right now, so I just can't choose. Brilliant. Fail of epic proportions. It makes me alarmed about the amount of time that goes wasted.

OSCAR DISAPPROVES VERY MUCH. (Do read the summary!)

How all strong feelings just dissipate if you give them enough time... It's rather sad, really. Being pissed off was still better than this jaded procrastination I fell into afterwards. I hate when this happens, and yet I can't actually prevent it. Fail, fail, fail.

Anyway, on to the story before I bore you to death with angsty whining.

Title: Changed Forever
Pairing: Albus/Gellert, implied secondary Albus/Elphias if you want to read it that way
Rating: SFW
Word Count: ~620
Summary: After Gellert's departure, Albus has nothing left to do but wait for Elphias to return for his sister's funeral. Or so it would seem.
Notes: I have no expectations of this fic; it's basically an epitaph for those two months of insanity. That may be a good thing since all the stories I'm ambitious about end up in some obscure corner of fandom, or at least don't receive much feedback in the communities where I post them. So, let's see how you like this one. Comments, criticism, anything is welcome. You can even yell at me this time if you feel like it!
Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no money; everything belongs to JKR.

Changed Forever

He wakes up every morning and every morning he finds something missing.

The warm body beside his own is not there. True, Gellert had not stayed every night, certainly not at the start – but when he did, the feel of drifting into familiarity before Albus’s eyes opened was glorious. Now, the lips he would have kissed are sadly nonexistent. He tries to go back to sleep. The first few minutes of consciousness are always the most painful.

But still he rises, out of responsibility or defiance or even the sheer force of habit, and wanders about the house. Aberforth glares at him, but beneath that is anguish too, and Albus finds it hard to argue with anything while exposed to that gaze. The cottage seems as though its two remaining occupants were just a hassle, what with the ones who mattered gone without return. Empty, accusing, ominous. Please, Gellert, don’t leave me here.

In the beginning of the summer, Albus had thought things could never get worse than they already were for someone condemned to languish along with his ill sister. In the middle, he was positive that he had never been happier. But now, the end is the end. Running into Aberforth around the house (which is infrequent as he has apparently determined to only come in contact with Albus at breakfast and dinner), he wishes he could take Ariana in his arms and tell her that nothing was wrong, that one day she would be running in the sunshine, she would be happy, she would be proud . . .

He wants to hold Gellert, too, in a different way. He doesn’t know which of these yearnings is more impossible. Both are even more impossible than forgetting.

The solitude fades into night more and more quickly every evening. It has only been a few days, but it seems to Albus that Elphias is taking forever to arrive for the funeral. Instead of sleeping he reads through all those letters he had received over the two months – The ones you couldn’t care less about when he was here? Albus sighs, eyelids drooping as he pushes on through the tedious lines. “Dear Albus, I am doing well. Egypt is wonderful. All those monuments breathe of the past and ancient magic. The heat would kill you, the Muggle excavations are quite impressive, et caetera.” He would have liked to see it once, Egypt. When those pyramids were new, possibly. Once upon a time, he knew even how to listen to his friend without feeling the unwelcome sting of condescension.

The letters are the only speaking things. The only things to speak to anymore. “Dear Elphias – Thank you for keeping me up to date. I regret to say that I have done less fine a job of it than you seem to have managed. Let us catch up, then, shall we? As you may have heard, my sister is dead. Aberforth keeping his distance, seething, I imagine. Oh, and I have had my heart broken by a boy expelled from Durmstrang, younger than me. I’m sorry I have not written. You will, I trust, forgive my negligence now that you can see that it was justified . . .”

Of course he will never send these letters. He has sent the sad, silent ones instead, and none of them apologetic enough. Elphias promises to return in time and he will stay true to his word; there is no reason he would not. The good friend without lofty dreams that he dares to kill for. The one Albus never learned to appreciate.

Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Gellert. His heart might now be anywhere.

Albus falls asleep, finally, and all is quiet.

Comments

[seilf-emit.livejournal.com]

Gah, I'm sorry to hear your day started out so crappy, I hope you're feeling better by now.
Also, I should study, but apparently I can't be bothered I don't know which subjects you're graduating in, but I'd be happy to help you as much as I can.

I've seen that pic, but never actually read the summary until now! OMG!

Fail, fail, fail.
Aw! *hugs*

Okay, now to the fic:

Wow...

...

...

...

Wow!

In other words: sdkfjhksjdfhkjshfkjbb

Okay *deep breath* seriously now, this is so amazingly well written. It's so them, which is odd for me to say, because I haven't read DH yet, so I don't even really know what them means, still, it just seems so... right in a way I can't explain.

WOW

[remeciel.livejournal.com]

My, the last line simply broke my heart. You do write angst very well.

I can't criticize anything, really. I just kind of regret this couple couldn't have lived through a happy stint unlike Remus and Sirius for instance in their Hogwarts years. Albus and Gellert always seem to follow a path that led to angst. ;_;

[rising-lark.livejournal.com]

Aww, so sad! It really fits in with the rest of your A/G work - exquisitely beautiful and moving... I wish I could say something more coherent, but - alas! (as Albus would say ;)) I really love how you pictured his feelings towards Elphias here - a deadly mixture of guilt and shame and that inevitable sense of superiority that brings even more guilt...

[mustntgetmy.livejournal.com]

Bah, I'm sorry you're not in the best of moods. But it'll pass! At least you're not poor Oscar, having to sit there in God's waiting room for who knows how long. And I'll bet the magazines haven't been updated since the 1700's!

Ooooh, fic. How you managed to take that line from the Dumbledore's gravestones and make it chilling I can't tell you, but my heart went cold when I got there. I suspect it has something to do with the set up of Elphias and the underlying comparison of him vs. Gellert, and of course, the lines that follow the epitaph. Speaking of which, I definitely feel the sense of an epitaph to their relationship here. I have one small issue though, and it's Aberforth. What you've done with him is definitely plausible, but I still felt the niggling sensation that his anger would be more outwardly driven. Like more than a glare, perhaps cursing? I dunno. I just have this image of Aberforth as a very angry young man. Otherwise, top notch fic as usual :D

[wufff.livejournal.com]

Nice of you to appreciate Elphias. So many fanfic writers portray him as a dumb sidekick ...
"In the beginning of the summer, Albus had thought things could never get worse than they already were for someone condemned to languish along with his ill sister. In the middle, he was positive that he had never been happier. But now, the end is the end."
That really sums up the mood swings Albus had to go through. Well done!